Once upon a time, in the forest of Nsa (pronounced en'sah), there was a giant colony of ants. They were ruled by a Queen, who was just and good. (Well, they're freakin' ants, how can you be an unjust ant queen?)

One day, the Ant Queen was sitting in her Royal Chamber (which was actually just a hole in the ground, literally) when the ant Secretary of Defense ran in.

"Your highness! We have terrible news from the Northern Mounds!"

"Oh no! What is it?" the Queen responded. (Author's note: when you read the Queen's lines, you have to read them in a high-pitched, semi-British accent)

"There are Humans there! They are cutting down the trees and rolling over the ground with their horrendous Rollers of Steam!"

The Queen just kinda looked at the ant. "Rollers of Steam? Call them steamrollers, you idiot. We don't live in the Dark Ages!" The Queen then picked up a pebble and chucked it at the ant.

"Uh, your highness, I'm over here. That was just a worker ant."

"Bah, we all look the same. Come, let us go to the War Room!" True to her word, The Queen and her entourage then went to the War Room. (What, were you expecting some big literary event right then? Sucker)

When the ants arrived in the War Room, there wre already dozens of ants there. On the walls of the room were giant monitors, all displaying different shots of the Humans ravaging the Northern Mounds. On the far wall was a window, which looked over a huge army of super-soldier, genetically enhanced red ants. (Alright, if you were just now thinking that this is odd, you are pretty strange, since you should have thought it was odd when the ants started speaking in English. Weirdo)

The Queen mounted the podium. (Mind out of the gutter, sicko) She then tapped the microphone. "Is this thing on? Good. Today, we go into battle to fight these Humans for our land back. Some of you won't come back. It doesn't matter, though, since there are about two billion of you." No one ever accused the Queen of knowing how to raise morale.

"Alright, this is how we will attack: the genetically enhanced super-soldier red ants will attack the Humans, while the black ants will use their back-mounted rocket launchers and pulse rifles to take out the rollers of steam-- dammit, I mean steamrollers. They may take our lives--"

"--but they'll never take our freedom. Yeah, we all saw that movie, too." Two billion ants making the same smartass comment is pretty damn eerie.

"Erm, right. Well, ATTACK!"

With that, two billion ants poured forth, rushing to the Northern Mounds. The genetically enhanced red ants got there first. They promptly began picking up the Humans with chainsaws and tossing them around. This scared the Humans, who weren't exactly used to getting whipped by a bunch of freak bugs.

The heavily-armed black ants soon began their assault on the Rollers of-- shit. Steamrollers. Stupid ants.

Anyway, back to the story. The black ants began their attack on the steamrollers. Rockets, well, rocketed, through the air, lasers flew through the air like pretty much any scene from Star Wars. Explosions everywhere, people screaming, the steamrollers rolling over ants. *SQUISH*

Through all of their violence, a lone ant stood up. (For the sake of characterization, let's call him Abe) Abe looked around and cried, "Oh, the antmanity!" (Yeah, sorry about that, but it makes more sense than an ant saying "humanity.")

Anyway, blah blah blah, the ants keep fighting. Now, this story has two endings. If you are a nature lover, read ending #1. If you are a realist, you must have gone crazy while reading this story. I don't know how you got through it, but your perseverance will pay off in ending #2.

Ending #1

The ants fought long and they fought hard. They eventually defeated the Humans, pushing them out of the Northern Mounds forever. After this victory, the ants went on the offensive, taking control of New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Paris, and London. (Don't ask how they got overseas) Their control heraled a new era of peace for the planet. All in all, it was a sweet deal.

Ending #2

The ants got whipped. They got whipped BIG TIME. C'mon, what were you expecting? They're freakin' bugs! They all got squished by the Steamrollers. Bye bye bugs! *SQUISH*

After this victory, the Northern Mounds became an apartment complex, with a Walgreens on the corner. That's pretty much it. Life goes on.