06:00 pm - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
06:30 pm - Pledge of Allegiance
06:35 pm - Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
06:45 pm - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
06:46 pm - Seminar #1: "Getting your kid a military deferment"
07:30 pm - First Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
07:35 pm - Serve Freedom Fries
07:40 pm - EPA Address #1: "Mercury: how to ignore the 14 states litigating against the U.S. government"
07:50 pm - William Safire on the dangers of non-Protestant religion
08:00 pm - Vote on which country to invade next
08:05 pm - Trent Lott recognizes/salutes the KKK contingent
08:10 pm - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
08:15 pm - John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
08:30 pm - Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
08:50 pm - Seminar #2: "Corporations: the government of the future"
09:00 pm - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
09:05 pm - Second Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
09:10 pm - EPA Address #2:" Trees: the real cause of forest fires"
09:15 pm - Roundtable discussion on the best way to bankrupt the federal government.

09:30 pm - Break for secret meetings

09:35 pm - Dick Cheney on why we must invade Canada and find their weapons of mass destruction.
10:00 pm - Second prayer led by Pat Robertson
10:15 pm - Lecture by Karl Rove: "Doublespeak made easy"
10:30 pm - Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 pm - Bush demonstration of his trademark "deer in the headlights" stare
10:40 pm - John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
10:45 pm - Clarence Thomas takes a minute to read the list of black republicans
10:46 pm - Third Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
10:50 pm - Seminar #3: "Education: a drain on our nation's economy"
11:10 pm - Hillary Clinton Piñata
11:20 pm - Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists -- the dangerous new cult"
11:30 pm - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 pm - Blame Clinton
11:40 pm - Laura serves milk and cookies
11:45 pm - Pass the hat for the "Kenny Lay Defense Fund"
11:50 pm - Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 am - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Leader