Here are all of my unorganized quotes. This is the bulk of my quote collection, since most of them don't fit into any one category.
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
-- Leonard Levinson
Don't be so humble, you're not that great.
-- Golda Meir
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
-- Noel Coward
Girls marry for love. Boys marry because of a chronic irritation that causes them to gravitate in the direction of objects with certain curvilinear properties.
-- Ashley Montagu
The difference between common-sense and paranoia is that common-sense is thinking everyone is out to get you. That's normal -- they are. Paranoia is thinking that they're conspiring.
-- J. Kegler
Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait.
-- Henri Estienne
[If youth but knew, if old age but could.]
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
-- Anonymous
Drinking coffee for instant relaxation? That's like drinking alcohol for instant motor skills.
-- Marc Price
Whenever anyone says, 'theoretically,' they really mean, 'not really.'
-- Dave Parnas
Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.
-- C.B. Luce
The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
-- David Gerrold
Knocked, you weren't in.
-- Opportunity
For years a secret shame destroyed my peace --
-- Justin Richardson
I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
-- Rod Serling
The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half so powerful as the Vulcan Groin Kick, but it's more politically correct.
-- William White
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.
-- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine,
the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.
-- Marshall Lumsden
I pledge allegiance to the flag
-- Francis Bellamy, 1892
of the United States of America
and to the republic for which it stands,
one nation,
indivisible,
with liberty
and justice for all.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
-- Redd Foxx
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
-- Mariah Carey
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
-- Last Chance to See, by Douglas Adams
I'm not overweight, I'm just nine inches too short.
-- Shelley Winters
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
-- Samuel Clemens
A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
-- Jeff Foxworthy
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
-- Mae West
The day that you die will be like any other day... only shorter.
-- Samuel Beckett
To be nobody but yourself -in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.
-- E.E. Cummings
Oh! let us never, never doubt what nobody is sure about!
-- Hilaire Belloc
No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.
-- Alice Walker
The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-- --Harlan Ellison
If you do not surrender, Persian arrows will darken the sky.
Good then we shall fight in the shade!
-- Darius the king of Persia, and Alexander the Great (talking before the battle of Antioch, 333 BC)
A man's reach must exceed his grasp, else what's a Heaven for?
-- Robert Browning
Whether you believe you can or believe you can't, either way you're right.
-- Henry Ford
You guys line up alphabetically by height.
-- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
Tell the American people never to lose their guns. As long as they keep their guns in their hands, what happened here will never happen there.
-- 1990, a student from Beijing, China, describes the last words of her parents, killed at Tiananmen Square
When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
-- Alexander Graham Bell
The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-- Harlan Ellison
Why does everyone think that I am a cruel and insensitive man? I mean, come on, I have kids... on my desk in little jars!
-- Stephen King
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
-- Bill Cosby
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
-- Ogden Nash
When you go in search of honey you must expect to be stung by bees.
-- Kenneth Kaunda
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.
-- J. M. Linsner
A true patriot must always be ready to defend his country against it's government.
-- Thomas Jefferson
Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination are omnipotent. The slogan press on has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
-- President Calvin Coolidge
It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat.
-- Robert Fuoss
I have seen gross intolerance shown in support of toleration.
-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Doubt is often the beginning of wisdom.
-- Dr. M. Scott Peck
Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him.
-- Paul Eldridge
If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of rubbish into it.
-- William A. Orton
A friend is someone, who upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain than to have to watch their friend suffer.
-- Amanda Grier
Humanity needs practical men, who get the most out of their work, and, without forgetting the general good, safeguard their own interests. But humanity also needs dreamers, for whom the disinterested development of an enterprise is so captivating that it becomes impossible for them to devote their care to their own material profit. A well-organized society should assure to such workers the efficient means of accomplishing their task, in a life freed from material care and freely consecrated to research.
-- Marie Curie
The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
-- Thomas Jefferson
It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.
-- Errol Flynn
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.
-- John Kenneth Gabraith
Bill Clinton picked a bad week to visit Russia, but for the past thousand years or so Russia has rarely had a good week.
-- The Economist, 5 September 1998
If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have them beaten.
-- George Carlin
All men are born equal, but quite a few eventually get over it.
-- Lord Mancroft, The Observer, 1967
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
-- Dick Cavett
Culture is roughly anything we do and the monkeys don't.
-- Lord Raglan
To escape criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
-- Elbert Hubbard
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
-- F. P. Jones
Great Britain's influence on the histories, cultures and imaginations of peoples around the world is colossal - far greater than might be expected from the purview of its narrow island home, its relatively small population and its damp climate.
-- Microsoft's Expedia
Genius may be limited, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
-- Elbert Hubbard
I love humanity, it's people I don't like.
-- Charles Schulz
If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.
-- Terry Veneables