Hillary Duff. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Paris Hilton. Kelly Osbourne. Just to name a few. These young ladies all have something in common. They're all in the music industry, recording music for their own cds. Why? Well, that's another story.
It seems like nowadays that putting out a cd is just the popular thing to do if you're a pop icon. You don't have to know how to sing. Or even have any musical talent at all. All you need is one of two things. 1) Fame, and/or 2) Looks. I say "and/or" because it seems that Kelly Osbourne is the exception to the rest of the group, getting by on just fame. But anyway, let's break it down person by person.
Hillary Duff. An actress. Well, in the most generous sense of the word, anyway. An ABC Family channel and Nickelodeon mainstay. She got her boost into the music world from TV, movies, and 40 year old single men with her posters on their walls.
Jennifer Love Hewitt. Another actress. She didn't have the teeny bopper appeal of Hillary Duff, but that didn't stop her from making a video for her song "Bare Naked." But something is gravely amiss in that video. She isn't bare naked. I think I can speak for myself and millions of other males out there aged 11 to 111 when I say that I've been misled and cheated.
Paris Hilton. She's filthy rich. That's about all there is to say about her. She can't sing, she can't act (not even in dodgy porn videos), but she's rich and she's pretty. So she recorded a cd, apparently just because she felt like it.
Kelly Osbourne. Well obviously she's the daughter of a rock legend, so she has to carry on the family business, right? There's only one problem. She's an ugly, bratty, stuck up, annoying, cancerous boil on the ass of all that is good and decent in the world. Oh, and she's also bereft of any singing ability whatsoever. But then again, so is Ozzy.
So why do I take issue with these girls who suddenly decide that they want to be musicians, and have their wishes granted without question just because they're famous? Well... probably because I'm a musician myself. I wish that I could pick up the phone and say, "Hey, I feel like being a rock star today" and suddenly have access to a world class recording studio and team of songwriters and producers who would do all my work for me. But struggling musicians can't do that. We actually have to write our own songs. We actually have to play our own instruments. We actually have to earn our own money in order to get studio time.
*sigh*
For every Paris Hilton that makes a cd, that means there will be room for one less REAL musician or group of musicians on a record label's roster. For every Hillary Duff that gets a record contract, that's one less REAL band that won't get signed. For every Jennifer Love Hewitt who suddenly wants to be in the music industry, that's one less spot for a REAL emerging artist to stick his/her head up. And for every Kelly Osbourne... I buy an extra pair of hot fire pokers and gouge my eyes out to maintain my sanity.
The moral of this story is... I hate these no talent hacks. Hooray, lots of people love them. Lots of people would also much rather see them naked than hear them sing. It's times like this that I thank the heavens day in and day out for providing mankind with the mute button. This wonderful little invention has greatly increased my enjoyment of these ladies, and stifled my rage against their musical careers that were given to them on a silver platter.
But it's okay. They'll tire of music and go on to other things. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Hopefully they'll just continue making bad movies/bad commercials/porn videos/babies cry. Hopefully in the future they'll just heed my sage advice when I say...
SHUT THE **** UP AND TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF INSTEAD BITCH, YOU AREN'T A ****ING MUSICIAN!
Except Kelly Osbourne. She can keep her clothes on....and just die.