Rant Information

Author: Rico

Date: 7/1/01

Rating: G

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Rants: EVula.com > Pants

by Rico

Pants. Since the beginning of time man has longed to destroy pants. Unfortunately, pro-pant sentiment has reached a crescendo in this most recent century as tinkers, tailors, soldiers, and yes, even spies have all embraced pants as a required garment. Small pockets of resistance exist but are, for the most part, overshadowed by The Big Pant Machine.

With the arrival of EVula.com on the world scene, an opportunity for the Pantless Liberation Army exists. Using scientifically approved methods, we intend to prove the superiority of EVula.com over the scourge that The Man likes to call "pants." Hopefully, when confronted with the overwhelming evidence, the masses shall revolt, load EVula.com and remove their pants in a bare legged orgy of websurfing.

While less obvious, the most extreme disparity between EVula.com and pants is observed through the user interfaces each offers. EVula offers a truly intuitive interface requiring the use of only one hand on the mouse. The use of pants requires the cooperation of one's whole body. Legs and arms must be in a state of complete harmony, particularly during operations which involve the removal and installation of pants. These cumbersome operations take up valuable time that could have been better spent clicking away at more entertaining and useful content on EVula.com.

Pants are inherently evil. Many of history's greatest villains have worn pants; Hitler, Napoleon, and I'm sure the third Antichrist will also wear pants.

If you're still unconvinced of EVula.com's superiority over pants after this rational, point by point analysis, I really can't think of anything else to say other than to remember the old saying, "pantlessness is next to godliness."

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