Author: Flatty
Date: 12/12/03
Rating: 2.0
Movie Rating: R
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The Matrix: Revolutions sucked. As a matter of fact, it's the worst movie I've seen in a long time and I just saw Spice World last week. I hated this movie with a passion and I'm so utterly disappointed that they managed to ruin such a great original that I don't have the words for it.
You know when I knew the movie would be the most painful experience of my life? Neo's very first scene where he awakens at the train station. His "dialogue" here was so monotonous and painful to listen to that I just burried my face in my hands and almost wept. Unfortunately, this trend continues throughout the movie. We have even more lengthy Neo-Trinity passionate dialogues that make me want to puke my brains out, boring fight scenes, and a severe overdoing on the computer animation. Thankfully, it ends in a grand finale that I'll get to later.
This movie focused way too much on Zion. I'm sorry, but seeing a bunch of plain human beings running around loading ammunition just isn't my idea of excitement. Finally the sentinels break through the cave wall and we see a big battle between humans and machines. Everyone talks about how cool these mech-warriors were and how neat this scene was. First off, it wasn't a scene. It took forever. That whole battle was at least half of the movie and after I saw the mechs for the first time, they got old. Also, what the hell were the sentinels doing anyway? They were flying around in a big ringworm formation, getting shot at. If I were their AI, I'd swoop down and beat the crap out of every single little mech-warrior. For shit's sake, they were shooting BULLETS at them. Why don't you just load your cannons full of flowers and bunny rabbits and rainbows? Where are your cool high powered laser guns? Oh, they're only hand held? That's really a good idea. You guys totally thought that through. And it's a good idea not to have any spare EMP around, just in case. That makes the movie much more suspenseful when there's only one ship left in existance and it's flying through a really tight tunnel towards a blast door that won't open and... oh, forget it.
"Wait," you say! "How could you get tired of all that cool CGI animation of the Zion battle?" Well, there's my point. It's all CGI. I'm sorry, but after 5 minutes I just couldn't fight off the feeling that the whole thing was fake... and it did look fake. Too much CGI just ruins a movie and this is a perfect example.
Let's move on to the content of the movie. There were absolutely NO COOL FIGHT SCENES. The "coolest" one was at the very beginning with Morpheus, Trinity, and the asian man breaking into the French guy's place to find out where Neo is. And all they really did there was wave guns around. The Zion battle got boring after 5 minutes and that "awesome, grand, spectacular final battle" between Neo and Smith? That was just terrible. It was like I was watching Superman III again.
The dialogue was absolutely terrible. While Trinity was impaled on some cables and spewing out some terrible lines to Neo, a guy next to me shouted "Just die already, bitch!"... and I laughed in glee because I felt the same way. Following in the footsteps of the second movie, we have even more lengthy and drawn out Neo/Trinity conversations, a surefire way to ruin any movie.
But let's rewind a bit, to see how Neo and Trinity got to that position. We have them piloting a hovercraft to the machine world and the entire machine defense network coming out to kill them. Oh no! They're doomed! But wait. Good thing Neo took the time to go through Jedi training in the "real world" and could just blow them all up. The idea that "the one's" powers extend beyond the matrix and into the real world is just stupid. I was really saddened when they came up with that as an explanation in this movie. Horseballs.
Finally, we come to the coolest scene in the movie. No, not Neo meeting with the head computer guy. That was stupid. Why would the godly computer man take the form of a face? No, don't make the "familiarity" argument, because that's lame. The coolest scene is all the little thingies coming out of the floor and plugging Neo into the Matrix. That, by itself, was the coolest scene in the movie. That's pretty sad. And then on we go to a very boring, overly CGI-laden final battle that nearly put me to sleep.
And finally, we have my least favorite part of the movie at the end. Neo being carted off by the machines, splayed out a'la Jesus Christ himself, freshly dead for the sins of others. BULLSHIT. Neo is not Jesus and he was never meant to be. Good job ruining this movie.
This is one of two reviews on this movie. You can find the other review here.